Donk!

The week of the Wiccan BeWare Race is upon us! That’s right folks it’s Buckball time again. This time trading is the object of the race. It’s a good one this week Buckyball fans – racing to and fro like maniacs, trying to get the best profits everywhere we go, and generally flying as dangerously as we can. I have a record number of reckless flying fines after doing this one. It’s a surprisingly tricky one too. You’d have thought a trading race would be the most straight forward of the lot but, there are so many things that can go disastrously wrong. Then there’s the tunnel at the Gateway Interchange Hub, a narrow conduit that has to be flown through at speed two thirds of the way through the race.

Again, this is a version of one of the earliest races. You have to fly fast, with no shields, a paper thin hull, no refuelling (or even scooping), no repairs, no automated docking or cruising. Just in and out of spaceports buying and selling. Profit is must. Loss means disqualification. You even get bonus points for having virtually no hull left. Slow and sure comes last in the race.

I scouted out the area beforehand, the race doesn’t tell you where to buy your goods, only where they must be sold. You have to work that out for yourself. Oddly, bonuses are not given for the amount of profit you make. I thought that would have been an integral part of the challenge. But no, the transportation of said cargo is more important that the amount of profit made in this venture. I would leave the start, Dublin Citadel in the Gateway system, and decided to get my Consumer Technology from Ahern Enterprise at Tellus, in order to then sell them at the required Soholia system. I chose to land there at Kyoto Park – a starport. There is an outpost that’s closer but, well, you know how I deal with landing at outposts.

You then have to fill your hold anything in the Soholia system and return to Dublin Citadel to sell at a profit. And it must be a profit, or at the very least break even. A loss and you’re out of the race. Next comes the scary bit – you have to fly the short distance to the Gateway Exchange Hub, find the tunnel, fly through it at at least 200m/s (if you are in the regulation Cobra Mk III), then find 1t of domestic appliances to sell at the LP 131-66 system. Again, like many of the Buckyball races it all sounds straightforward, except for the tunnel – I was dreading that. But, typically like a Buckyball race it’s far trickier than it sounds and the tunnel, well, it’s a lot more straightforward than it sounds. Just one mistake though…

All in all it took me five attempts before I managed to register an allowable time. I will document each attempt and what went wrong. It was the most frustrating race I have ever done, especially when I was thinking before my first attempt that it would be quite easy. I really need to stop my prejudgment of these challenges!

First Attempt

Began pretty badly. Launched from Dublin and boosted out of the slot, only to meet a Type 7 coming the other way. Lost the majority of my hull there and then and incurred a fine for reckless flying. Kept on going regardless, landing more gingerly than I would otherwise have done due to having only 8% hull. On return to Dublin I realised I would have to go to the authority office to pay the fine before I was allowed to sell my goods. Found a couple of commanders behaving…well…inappropriately with each other outside the office. It greatly increased my time. Left Dublin, headed for the Hub, attempted a fly through but connected sharply with the narrow entrance. Exploded. Rebuy.

Second Attempt

All went ok. Had lots of trouble landing at the starports and lots of fumbling around trying to purchase and sell the commodities, and also trying to set the navigation to the correct systems. Ended up with a time of about 28 minutes but forgot to display my module loadout to the adjudicators to prove I wasn’t cheating. So, a further attempt had to be made.

Third Attempt

This run seemed to go well, and I appeared to be making rather good time. Managed to land recklessly and quickly enough at each port losing a manageable amount of hull each time. Flew through the tunnel like a dream! Boy it feels good when you get that part right! Managed to reach Vasiliyev Vision at LP 131-66 at just over 25 minutes. I just had to dock. Now, you all know that automatic reaction to boost out of the slot when leaving a starport? Yeah? Well, for some reason it kicked in when I entered the slot at Vasiliyev. I shot to the back of the docking hall like a blind pig, a wailing, “NOOooooooooo!” pathetically extruding from my gaping mouth as I smashed into the antennae at the rear. Exploded. Rebuy.

Fourth Attempt

All went ok although incurred another fine at Dublin for hitting the slot on the way out. There’s something about the grating noise when you drag your ship’s sorry hull across the toast rack at boost speed that gives you a viciously nervous tick for the rest of the race. Flew through the tunnel again, like a dream. Boosted through there in fact! Boy, was I beginning to love that part of the race. I then headed to Archer Station at the Idaho system to buy my domestic appliances in order to sell them at LP 131-66. Flew in, landed nicely. However, once I’d landed, instead of engaging with Starport Services I pressed the launch button instead. I panicked wildly as the docking platform dipped and spun the Wormwood’s Bane around to face the docking slot and released the clamps. I would now have to leave the station and re-enter in order to buy the goods! In my desperation I collided with a ship on the way out and got caught hopelessly in the toast rack on the way back in. I struggled furiously to extricate my craft. Loitering Fine. I struggled further, hull strength depleting constantly. Further loitering warning. I watched helplessly while a large queue of ships waited impatiently either side of the slot. My hull soon counted down to zero. Explosion. Rebuy.

Fifth Attempt

This one seemed to go too well. I was keeping 100% hull the entire way through and making decent time (at least, decent for me). Then it was time to approach the Interchange Hub and the, now no longer dreaded tunnel. I got lined up, decided to be a little more careful and adjusted my speed to about 230ms rather than boosting. I thought I’d lined up fine, but halfway through I heard a massive “DONK!” from my right wing. I was almost torn out of my seat as the Wormwood’s Bane spun around in the enclosed space. My head swam. I couldn’t tell where in space I was. The inside of the tunnel was moving violently to the left in front of the canopy and the way I had just come whizzed passed. Somehow the little cobra managed to perform a perfect pirouette as the forward thrusters gained hold and threw me out from the other side of the tunnel. I hit the boost button, desperate to get away, to leave mass locked space behind. The hull creaked and groaned terrifyingly in complaint. The mass lock indicator blinked off, I hit the jump button, the frame shift drive charged up, and I was in witch space.

As I dropped out at Indaol and pointed the ship towards Archer Settlement I noticed I had only 3% of hull integrity remaining. I silently breathed a prayer of thanks to the Great Braben. I should not have survived that crash. I gingerly landed at the starport, purchased my goods and made my way to the final system. Never have I been so relived to see a white dwarf. I cruised to Vasiliyev, flew through the slot and gently came to rest on one of the pads. I sold my single ton of cargo and noted the time – 26 minutes and 27 seconds. Could be better, but I wasn’t in the mood for another run.

And there I am! Number 14, last, on the leaderboard. The most difficult race yet. And I’m not the only commander who has had problems. One was attacked, presumably by the authorities, when they reached the Interchange. Blown up by laser fire in the tunnel no less. It’s a much tougher race than you think! You reckon you got it? You reckon you have the skills, the nerve and the patience to take part? Be prepared to have a few attempts before you register a time. C’mon commanders! Come and have a go, get your name on the board! Details and entry form are here. You have until the end of Sunday 24th April to submit your run.