I’ve always wanted to take part in one of the Buckyball races! I’d heard loads about them on Lave Radio and I thought it might be really cool to enter one and have a go. Well, this year a series of 8 Buckyball races are being organised and the first one, called “Back To Pareco” I decided to have a go at.
It’s held, as the name suggests, at the Pareco system. A lonely Tauri star orbited by an invisible comet which is itself orbited by six stations. The challenge lies in visiting as many stations as you can, in a certain order within a time limit of twenty minutes. Sounds simple no? I consider myself quite adept at flying with ease through the slot of a starport, quickly locating the landing pad (unless its directly below the slot – which is a right pain in the goolies) and settling on it, all within a minute. The problem, of course, is that two of the stations one must land at are outposts.
Now, I can’t make head or tail of these outpost type starport things. All of them seem completely different, and because I always drop in on them from different directions I can never tell which bits are what or where any of the landing pads are. It’s a problem I have always had and no matter how often I study them they consistently beguile me.
Now I’ve been working with horses for ten years, ever since my youngest autistic son (adult now) suddenly clicked with horse riding. Before I knew it we had loaned a horse and it was time to learn how to put all the bits on. The saddle was fine, reasonably straightforward but the bridle? It just looked to me like leather spaghetti!
There are what looks like dozens of bits and bobs and different lengths and fastenings, and you have to sort out which part to put the horse’s nose through and which strap goes over the ears and another under the chin and there’s one that’s supposed to go under the neck and a couple that hold the bit. And there are different types too! Dozens of different types! All of them have to be fitted slightly differently. Martingale, grackle, snaffle, micklem, double, western, some with flash bands, crank bands, drop bands…it goes on and on. Putting a bridle on a horse is terrifying first few times you try it. But then, because we were thinking of buying the horse we were loaning. I had to also learn how to take bridles apart to clean and put them back together again!
Now I can take ’em all apart, clean ’em, and fix ’em back together in my sleep.
But outposts are the bloody same aren’t they? Lots of bits and lengths and boxes all randomly welded together to make an incoherent puzzle that flummoxes the poor Commander as it looks like a totally different shape depending on which direction you approach it from. There are different types with landing pads on different parts of the station, and when you ask for permission to land you’re given, say, landing pad 2 and you have no idea on which of the dozens of facets of the outpost that pad might be.
And so I began my challenge. I fly to Pareco in the Wormwood’s Bane (Miss Wormwood is an elderly kindergarten teacher nearing retirement. She teaches a class of six year olds and one of them causes her no end of trouble. A little boy with such a vivid imagination he thinks his cuddly tiger, Hobbes, is real, and his best friend. That boy’s name is Calvin, and he is Miss Wormwood’s bane). I land at the starting station, Garden Ring, which happens to be an outpost. It takes me a while to find the landing pad, but find it I do and I land, wait for the UTC clock to reach an appropriate time and then launch, selecting the next station, Crown Orbital, which, thankfully, is a starport.
Easy! Boost towards starport, request permission to dock, speed to half way as you pull up to face the slot, quickly glide through no matter which way up, little moment of panic as you try and locate your assigned pad, shoot toward it, slow down at the last minute, deploy landing gear, lower down and land.
Then launch, select next station in the navigation panel as the pad is rotated back to face the slot, up thrusters, retract landing gear, boost out the slot, supercruise to the next station. Which is Asire Dock, which is another outpost. Bugger.
I ask permission to dock, and am given landing pad 2. I know the one directly in front of me is the single medium pad, but I want one of the small ones. Where are they? And which one is landing pad 2? After what seems lake an age, but is probably about thirty seconds or so, poking around nooks and crannies of the station, I find landing pad 2, but it’s in a really awkward place, the wrong way around and it seems it needs to be approached though a wall. I try one of those “fly in, flip around and land” manoeuvres and find myself belly flopping on the wall.
I loose my shields and a fair portion of my hull. I re-orientate myself, land, repair, and carry on. Somehow, after having several more of these experiences when returning to these outposts, plus one when my assigned starport pad was directly underneath the slot, and over a dozen “Reckless Flying” fines, AND a couple of insurance claims for destroyed ships, I manage 9 stations. I call it a practice run and have several more before I take my official run. The official run doesn’t go all that much better. Some of the most panicked, bizarre landings I have ever performed, but I manage a total of 11 stations.
And there I am! Number 21 on the leaderboard. I could go and spend a while inspecting these outposts, getting to know every inch so I can fly straight to any pad and land like a boss. But the Rush Fleet calls, and I have the La Villa Stangiato waiting at Robigo Mines ready to take an endless stream of criminals who will pay millions of credits to stare at an unremarkable tourist beacon at an unremarkable Earth Like World about sixty light years away for about 10 seconds. But you should all have a go if you already haven’t. Push me off the leaderboard – I dare ya! Just click Back To Pareco, follow the directions and go for it! It’s damn good fun! Oh, and you have until the end of Sunday to do it.
Look out for more Buckyball racing during the rest of the year! See you there!
Elite Dangerous RUSH FLEET 
4 thoughts on “Outposts Are Like Bridles!”